I'm confused. No wait, I'm not because "confusion is of the devil." I do not want to support the devil in my life.
They tell me that to have the life I should have I need to start doing those things now. What if I am just confused about the life that I want right now? Who are "they"? Are "they" the same people that preach that the atonement is for all sins, no matter what. Repent, come unto Christ. The message I sometimes get from them is that I can either change who I am or live a damned life. If God loves me no matter what, and Christ atoned for all of my sins, then why are "they" telling me that my life is damned if I don't change who I am?
Can I do that? Can I be ME and still be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? Wait, who am I? If I was a better member wouldn't I be more like "them"? No.
Who I am? Jean Val Jean from Les Miserables asked this very same question, right before he left his past and become a new man. "They" searched and searched for prisoner 24601, a condemned man. But that condemned man, with all of his wrong doings, had done so many good things in his time on the run. "They" thought Val Jean should be imprisoned, a slave, for the crimes he had committed against God. Val Jean found Gods mercy (he went straight to the source so to speak.) He gave his life to God. God forgave Val Jean for his wrong doings even when "they" would not.
So who am I? I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I know this with all my heart. I know I'm not perfect. I know I screw up, lots more that I like to admit sometimes. I hate this phrase, but I am human. I'm not using that as a justification of my sins, I'm saying it because its true, and God knows it. I have a testimony. I know the gospel is true, but I also know that everyone else is human also. I know the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. I know that I have my agency, and that "they" cannot tell me what my life should be like. I know that I am not damned because of my imperfections. My imperfections might be the very things that save me.
Am I confused about the kind of life I want right now? No. I want the life I have. I want to be happy with who I am. My life is far from perfect. But I am not suppose to be perfect, and that is just fine no matter what "they" say.
