My time in the motherland!

Dear blog,

This is the part of my life that I call change.  

First off I need to clear some things up. I have never read the book of Mormon all the way through in my whole life. I haven't been able to take the sacrament for almost two years now. When I was in Logan I basically went inactive because I didn't like my ward all that much. I have always struggled with saying my prayers. And I have also been one of those "some of the smaller sins just don't matter, coffee wont kill me" kind of people. I have had the hardest time deciding weather I wanted to be part of the church or not. It's been a huge battle for me especially the last year. I did not understand so many things. Especially the fact that I got kicked out of byui which was the one place that I felt safe, the one place that It was easy for me to make good decisions. I didn't understand why I couldn't take the sacrament, why I couldn't have that blessing in my life. I have been telling people that getting kicked out was the best thing that ever happened because I was making myself stronger. But I wasn't really. And I absolutely hated it! It wasn't the best thing that ever happened but the worst. I have struggled more in the last year than I ever want to in my whole life again, even though I know that's not completely possible. 

Then I came to Russian. And while getting kicked out of byui was the worst thing that ever happened, coming to Russia was the best (not just because it's freaking awesome!) While here I have been surrounded by a bubble that was way smaller than the one I was in at byui. A bubble of 5 girls who are all completely different, but who have been amazing examples to me! I live more with these girls than any one I have ever lived with, including my family. I am with them 24/7 so we basically have to get along, because four months is a long time to have drama. And it has just been "so great!" as Chelsea would say. If I could write all my thoughts about every girl I would, but some of the things we talk about or extremely personal. We didn't really have a choice but to become best friends from day one. But if I was given the choice, I wouldn't want it any other way. Between that and the amount of free time that we have, I have finally been able to become who I wanted to be. We teach from 2-6 everyday, with about an hour of prep time each day, the rest is free time. So, yes, a lot of free time! 

I don't want to jinx it so i might wait to post this but, I have been reading the book of Mormon. I read 3rd nephi in about a week. I'm reading like a beast! For several reasons. One I'm making the time to do it. It something I have wanted to do for a really really really long time now. I do not feel like I can really accept my religion and say I am apart of my religion if I do not read the book of Mormon. It's something I need to do for myself to feel complete. Just in the time I have been reading it, I have gotten so many answers to prayers.  I know I need that testimony of the book for myself so that I can be stronger when I go back to America, and have to be in the "real" world again. 

In the short time that I have been reading I have seen so many blessings come into my life. I have been able to accomplish a lot more. I have been able to understand love a lot more. I have been able to understand my savior a lot more. There are so many good things that have come from it. 

Yes, while here in Russian, not only am I here for a great experience, I have decided to take a spiritual journey. And I know the end result will be truly amazing. 

I love the book of Mormon. I love my family, and am so grateful for them.  I know that my lord and savior Jesus Christ did atone for my sins and because of him I can repent and be forgiven of my sins. I am so grateful for the small testimony that has started growing inside of me and I pray that it will continue to grow and that one day I will be strong enough to enter the house of the lord again. I would like to say these things in the name of my lord and savior Jesus christ, amen.