Ummm.... Why?

Just when life is going good and I have a somewhat good plan... something happens and a BETTER plan comes along. And the better plan sounds so much better.... but is it really? or should I stick with the original plan? What am I refering to you may ask? Russia.


I've been through somewhat a lot lately, as a result I am in counceling and on anti-depressants. Which both are helping greatly and I am doing so much better than I was a few months ago. While meeting with my councelor today and talking about how when I skip a day of my anti-depressants I can tell. There is a pretty big difference even if I just forget just one day. So as a result we were talking about if I should go to Russia in August or if I should wait till January to go?


Of course we made a list of pros and cons... but there are so many pros and cons for both leaving in August and leaving in January that I'm just now more confused (and I forgot to take my pill today so i'm on a verge of tears and I just want to go curl up in  ball and cry myself to sleep and its only 6 pm) MORAL of the story.... Can I get some input?


I have been putting Russia off for about a year now... I was going to go last August... Then I was going to go last January.... I'm all set to go this August.... But now I'm thinking of pushing it back again to January... I feel like I've been pushing it back so much that its just not going to happen. BUT I have made a large payment to ILP that there is no way I can back out without paying lots of money.


What if the Myans are right? What if the world ends in 2012? ;) Kidding!!! That really has no effect...


I have a good job and I would be more financially set if I waited till January to go... But then I would have to pay rent from September to December.... So would I be?


I'm not completly sure what I am going to do when I get back from Russia if I go in August.... I probably wouldn't go to school untill that fall so I would just hang out (well work... in Burley) for that time. where if I waited till January to go I would just be working for the summer... But when I came back I would have to look for a job and who knows how long that will take... So the more I could save before I go would probably be better....


January would give me more time to be prepared mentally and spiritually as well... My councelor said there was a possiblity of me being able to get off my pills by then... which would be so nice!!! Also being more able to cope with change and with life by going to my counceling and group for longer.... But I guess there is the thought that what if I get there and I do get depressed again... what kind of meds am I going to be able to access there?


But I have made plans to go in August already... I was so excited to get out of logan!!!..... But now I have made friends and am starting to like logan so waiting a little longer doesn't seem as bad...


I will admit... going in August was sort of a way to escape for me... When I was in rexburg life was easy.. Everyone was living the same values, eveyone made the same choices, and everyone followed the rules... In logan it has been different. I have to make my own decissions, I have to decide how I want to live. Going to Russia I would again be surrounded by LDS people in a situation where I would be "restricted" by certain rules... I was excited to be in that place again... But I think staying in logan will make me stronger, help me to really be who I want to be. (This might be a little confusing but for me to fully explain it might take a while... so just go with it!)


I don't want to wait till January to go... I want to go right now... But thinking it through, January is looking like the BETTER plan... HELP ME!!! :)

EvEr EvEr AfTeR

I'm just sitting at work trying to think of what to blog about when the song from Enchanted comes on. Susana and I have been singing along to all the songs on the radio all day, and of course we sang along to this song! I love this song!

Ever ever after


Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too


Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away


Starting your fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you


Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after


No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through


To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever, ever, ever after


I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
Oh, for ever ever after

It may have made me want to fall in love (L)... I have had some what of a neg attitude towards the whole "love, marriage, babies" whatev thing the past couple of years. MOSTLY because the "love, marriage, baby" thing terrifies me! But I think I have now decided that I don't want to get married, but I do want to fall in love. Disney love... movie love... Katy Perry love...?

If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.


Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date.
They say its hard to meet your match,
Find my better half.
So we make perfect shapes.
If stars don't align,


If it doesn't stop time,
If you cant see the sign,
Wait for it.
One hundred percent,
With every penny spent.
He'll be the one that,
Finishes your sentences.


If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be.
When he's the one,
He'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning,
And thats just the beginning.


'Cause I know you're out there,
And your, your love came for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me you'll see.


Just like the movies.
That's how it will be.
Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.
It's not like the movies,
But that's how it will be.
When he's the one,
You'll come undone,
And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning

Thats the love that I want. Right now, thats what I need. I've been on a few dates, and I've gotten to know a few guys here in logan.... But I have been a bit more picky. I'm done leading guys on and getting myself into these "relationships" with these boys that drive me crazy after the first 2 days :). And I have been getting better!!! (its somewhat complicated so i'm not going to into much detail :))

But young love, mushy, gushy, cutesy, love song love..... But definatly love not lust, or like.... Hmmmm I guess what I am saying is that I now give my prince permission to step into my life :)... I'll let you know how it goes!!! :)

*~*SuMmEr TiMe*~*

FINALLY!!! We are starting to see some WARM weather!!! Took long enough... clearly Mother Nature and Father time were having a rough spring... BUT don't worry the sun has decided to shine and that just makes life GRRRRRREAT!!! like frosted flakes... (with reg. milk not soy milk!)

AND there is finally GREEN in Logan!!!! GREEN people GREEN!!! There may not be a TON yet but we have spotted it!! I sat out on my front lawn with Ju Ju today and smelled a flower and it smelled SOOO good!!!

Growing up I HATED weeding flower gardens, and planting flowers, I hated the way the dirt made my hands and fingernails feel. But now... I would give ANYTHING to be in Burley helping my mom or Aunt Emma plant flowers!! Gettin' down and DIRTY! Helping my mom with her raspberry patch (ok now i'm craving Raspberry JAM!) Even weeding!!! Maybe I will have to ask my managers if I can take care of the flowers in front of my apt... cuz I would LOVE that!!

Also... while moving I came accross some wire hangers... which in the past I sometimes throw away... BUT I am so ready to roast marshmellows and starburst that in my eyes those were no longer hangers but MARSHMELLOW ROASTING STICKS!!!! FIRE!!!

Have I mentioned I LOVE summer!?!

Top down, seat back, rollin in my CADILLAC!! (name that song?)

I should prolly up date you on my life or somthing... thats what all the other girls are doing in their blogs... So I spose I can fall to peer pressure!! (just once though!) 

LIFE: GREAT! Shelby and I moved into our new apt!!! the cutest little basment kavartiry (apt. in Russian) EVER!!! We have had SOOO much fun Decorating it!!! I love it!!! I want to stay in logan forever just so I can live there!!! It may have taken 2 days for me to FINALLY get a bed! but now we have the GREATEST furniture EVER!! We have a BRAND NEW couch! we got to take the tags off it!! the cutest kitchen table and chairs! a coffee table! A freaking SWEET wooden rocking chair!! Oh my gosh I want my own house so bad!!! So I can decorate it and have my own furniture... don't worry though I am patient!!! :)

OH! Did I mention the boys that live upstairs?!! At first I was a little "Eh" about the idea of boys living above us... but then they brought us furniture! (One of them is our managers brother so him and his friend work for the manager...) They are quite beautiful to say the least... words cannot describe!! So needless to say I may be a little bit excited to have the boys live above us!!! Oh! I owe them cookies for moving our furniture!! :)

Right now my life consists of WORK... which is always the funnest... but it has def be great fun the past couple of days! I love (most) of my co-workers!!! But don't worry if the co-workers don't keep me entertained the customers will! ;) Also I am getting ready for Russia...Which might be switched to Kiev, Ukrian... They havn't placed me yet so we will SEE :) :) :)

Well fellow (wo)men! I must sign off now!! but that is my life in a nutshell!! more later!!

My baby JUJ!!!

This is just an Update on my wonderful Ju Ju :)

I am happy to report and even though I'm pretty sure he may have been on the verge

of death when I first got him I know he is

doing so much better now! He was super unhealthy when I got

and I  could tell. So with the

help of my reptile expert friends and the internet

I have nurtured him back to good health!

I cannot fix his crooked back or his crooked tail BUT I can prevent them from getting worse!

Calcium covered crickets (live of course), collard greens and broccilie (a

more healthy and balanced diet than just lettuce), the right UVB lighting, a heat light, and a bigger tank and he is more active,

more colorful, and just more awesome! 

Pretty much I can concluded that having a PET DRAGON is the best pe there EVER could be :) :) :)  

!)@`/$ 0!= 0u/~ |!\/3$

These are theDAY'Sof OurLIVES.

From thePEOPLEwe meet and thePLACESwe see, we can neverKNOWeverything, weCANonly keepLEARNING.

LOGANhas been anEXPERIENCEin myLIFE.

So manyTHINGShave happened.

chANge,grOWiNg,leARNing,|_!|=3.

I was"FREE"from the bubble that is BYU-I.

At first I didn'tLOVEit. Even nowLOVEmight not be theWORDi would choose to describe how iFEELabout Logan.

It took me aLONGtime to get used to thisMAKINGmy ownCHOICESthing. This wholeSTANDINGup forWHOyou are andWHOyou want toBE. I made some not soGOODdecision. I wasEXTREMELYun-HAPPY. iHATEDmyself. but then I took aSTEPor five back,LOOKEDat reality andLEARNEDthat this is what |_!|=3 is about.FALLINGso you canSTANDeven taller.

I'm not aBADperson. I have made my fair share ofMISTAKESbut I'm completelyNORMAL.nobody isPERFECTand we weren't meant to be. this whole making myOWNchoices thing isHELPINGme become who iWANTto be.

iLIKElogan. iLOVEthe people I have met and have gotten toKNOW.i love theEXPERIENCESi have had. I love how much I haveLEARNED.i love how much I have GROWN.

Maybe I amSTRONGERthan I think. I love the BYU-I bubble because it simplified life.

I had a strongSUPPORTgroup, friends with theSAMEvalues, aGREATlearning environment,

 |_!|=3 was just easy.

But |_!|=3 isn't suppose to beEASY.so logan is the newPERFECTright? :)

A Little PS to my readers: I still love Rexburg! so much! :)